Considering a divorce as a way out of senseless relationships that don’t bring you happiness anymore is quite reasonable. At the same time, it’s important that this decision wouldn’t be either rushed or emotional since the divorce consequences are hard to turn away. In the post below, you’ll find answers to ten questions that are worth asking yourself before you proceed to online divorce.
Is there any positive effect of this marriage on your life?
This is the first thing you should make clear to yourself when thinking about divorce. Let’s say you were married for years, you have kids together, and your life is settled and well-scheduled: so what can you say about your relationship with your wife or husband after all these years? Does it make you stronger and happier or depressed and anxious? The most important thing is to become better and feel more confident in marriage – if it’s not the case, why keep this bond?
Do you love your partner?
The next thing to take into account when contemplating divorce is your feelings for your spouse. Do you have any at all? Be sincere when answering this question since if you do, the relationship may be worth restoring. Being in love and willing to work on your relationship is a great prerequisite to reviving the bond you have, while losing those feelings is almost a 100% sign that it won’t be successful. So don’t rush when trying to analyze your attitude toward your partner. It takes time to understand whether you still love them as you did before.
Do you feel loved?
Another one of the top questions to ask yourself about your relationship is whether your partner loves you the way you could feel it. It’s especially important after many years in marriage: if your wife or husband still doesn’t know the ways that make you feel their love, probably, they don’t care much about you. On the contrary, if they show you their feelings constantly, maybe, your marriage could be restored instead of terminated.
What does your family say about your marriage?
Although the parents’ opinion may not be the thing you pay much attention to as you’re a grown-up person, it’s still important what they say about your partner and your relationship. Some things are better seen from other people’s perspectives, so occasional listening to them may improve your relationships or mark some red flags to watch out for.
Do your friends accept your relationship, or were they worried about it from the start?
Another thing to consider before calling it quits and filing for a divorce is your friends. What do they think about you as a couple, and how will you communicate once you’re divorced? Oftentimes, friends of couples mix and become one big company, but you can never be sure who will support you while going through a divorce and who will leave you. Also, in case your friends are equally close to you and your partner, they may notice the signs of your relationship’s failure. Ask them if they see anything going wrong between you and your spouse. Maybe, some things that you’re worried about have been obvious to other people for a long time now.
Do you really want to break up, or are you just offended by something?
Sometimes, women tend to overthink and overreact to certain words, actions, or events. Maybe, your partner didn’t mean anything but still insulted you, and that’s why you feel like you’re sick and tired of them and want a divorce. To live your life to the fullest, it’s necessary to understand whether your reactions are adequate to the irritant. Sometimes, it’s better to think twice before starting a tiresome divorce process over a trivial altercation.
Why do you want to get divorced?
Now, it’s time to be sincere about your reasons for getting divorced. Why do you want it? The answers may be different, but if you’d say: “Because my husband doesn’t notice me anymore,” “you need a quality talk with them rather than a divorce. In case you have problems in your marriage, start discussing them, attend sessions with a family therapist, etc., to find a proper way to improve your relationship. Divorce should be the last resort, not the answer that comes to your mind first after another fight.
What will you do after the divorce?
This also should be well-thought-out before you start collecting divorce papers. If you haven’t imagined your life after divorce yet or think it’s going to be the same just without your partner living in the same house, you’re wrong. Marriage dissolution affects all spheres of an individual’s life, including their financial situation, their ability to work (if the mother becomes a custodian for small kids), the place of living, everyday life issues, etc. Therefore, if you’re not ready to give up the overall comfort of family life you’re used to, consider going through family therapy rather than breaking up completely.
Do you want to date someone else already, or are you just willing to end your marriage?
When thinking about the cause of divorce, don’t lie to yourself if you have a crush or even dated someone already: aren’t they the true reason why you don’t want to be with your partner anymore? In such a case, you have to keep in mind a few things not to screw up the divorce process:
- Don’t date anyone openly while your divorce is pending. This means not going out together where you can be spotted by your ex, family, and friends. Also, this means staying away from social media as your posts may be used against you in court;
- Don’t rush to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to your kids if you’re still in the process of divorce. It’s unnecessary and may cause even more stress for your children;
- Don’t start living with them until you split your property and know exactly where you’re living after a divorce. Inviting a new partner to your home may look like infidelity to your spouse, and the court may decide on your divorce, not in your favor.
Are you ready to support yourself on your own?
Finally, once you decide to get divorced, it means that you have the means to support yourself and your kids after it. In case you thought the money matters would be solved through your ex paying you alimony and child support, don’t flatter yourself: they won’t be enough to cover your previous needs. Therefore, having a few decent sources of income is necessary if you want to maintain the same level of life after marriage.